A New Beginning

So, I have decided that I am getting lazy and complacent with my life. It’s no one's fault but my own. I have let work take advantage of me over and over, causing me to resent it. I have refused to move on from my pre-Le Mari life. It was really wearing on me. It was wearing on my marriage. I had to change my life for the better on my own and what I was doing up until this point wasn't working.

I was trying before- don't think I wasn't. I applied for multiple internal positions at work that I did not get. Rejection after rejection was getting old. it wasn't just new jobs at work, it was little things like broken monitors that never got fixed, empty promises, lying. I was getting tired of be screwed with. The only way I can get into management is to stay at my current company because I need experience. I have no choice but to stay unless I want to take a step back at a new company. I can't do that. Besides, I love my job, at least I used to. I know things will get back to normal eventually. I have been going into the city every couple of weeks to get my fill as well, but it's still not snapping me out of it.

Finally, I realized that just because things are different now, doesn't mean that they are worse. I can't even tell you when I realized what I had to do to get my life back on track, it just hot me one day. I decided that it was time to finally commit to grad school. I have tried before and given up. I have even gone as far as paying $250 for the GMAT and not going to the test. Not smart.

I basically have to learn the math from high school that I never cared about before. That is a challenge. I went to art school for college and I think that there were maybe two math electives that I could have taken. "Elective" being the operative word. Obviously that didn't happen. Verbal is much easier for me but will still take some work.

None of this is getting me down, though. I'm not dwelling on how much I have to learn or how impossible it will be; I'm just doing it. I'm not doing it to get promoted either, although that would be nice. I'm not doing this for more money. I'm getting going to grad school for me, to prove it to myself that I can do it.

If I can get into my school of choice, all of my current issues will subside. I will be going to school in the city, so I can get my fill and not miss it so much. My company will pay for it-- I will finally get the most out of them. I'll be learning and growing as a person. Down time will be limited which will make me a more content person. I was putting more importance on naps than anything else so things were getting pretty bad. Le Mari will be happier because I will be happier. I'll only be taking two classes a semester so it won't be too much or take too much time away from my husband.

I'm so excited. There is a class on the business of book publishing. I love books. I really can't wait. I thrive on change and newness. I need to be challenged on a regular basis and I haven't been getting that. Hopefully this will do it for me.